need to do this one more

for freedom.

i breathe into you
into unknown and untravelled
release the inhibition of pain
let it heal me
for fear can only hold me
for so long

i want to breathe you
intoxication of independent indecision intolerant of personal democracy
it has to be a choice you see?
to let me fear free
the darkness will be seduceed by my light
open my heart and scream flight
the Wind my guide

breathe deeply
into new stories
for prediction of depth
has no place in new strength
i am ready to release chaos only to breathe in security
fill me once with air sweet of surrender
twice until i am liberation for love

no more holding and waiting for change
i am the change i wish to see
it is not in you but me
breathe change into existence
breathe into it

i begin with a hope

i have gained new visions on your love
it is momentary
quick flashing convalescent colors
diluted in a sunset burning my eyes
your sunset used to bring me flowers
but now adoration is too late to keep me waiting


one day
my secrets will drown you into loving me
one day
youll teach me peace through insanity
one day
my tears will be enough to defeat this silence
one day
your love will flow consistent

past paths have brought me here again
i released power too soon
and was left under the moon
to regain what's left of my shame
what was once reality
are now hopeless fantasies
of your return

and can i say ???

by 25.

clean up my credit. have a stable savings account. really get into something crafty (haha).wear a gown somewhere.watch the sunrise. go skydiving.

**

it's funny that now that i'm in la, i know that the bay is my home...i'm not going to lie i miss it .. but i know that la needs to happen.

i deserve the dream. and God is bringing it to me. i have been so blessed this last month...with moving .. vegas and new york .. our apartment .. fixing things with my parents .. my job .. i am truly relearning faith and surrender. every morning i wake up and literally think, "what am i doing here??" hahah .. its crazy but exciting ... i am all up in the ambiguity ..and im loving it.

*

i am obsessed with in the heights..it was moving to see people of color on stage confusing the rich white people on broadway. to hear songs about machismo .. parental sacrifice.. and community pressure. not to mention benny makes me want to melt into his eyebrows of love haha .. in the heights is the bomb. (yea i said it) get on that son!!