"when we reveal ourselves to our partner and find that this brings healing rather than harm, we make an important discovery-that intimate relationship can provide a sanctuary from the world of facades, a sacred space where we can be ourselves, as we are....this kind of unmasking-speaking our truth, sharing our inner struggles, and revealing our raw edges-its scared activity, which allows two souls to meet and touch more deeply." -john welwood

i've got some beef with love - and romance. currently, im reading blue like jazz and all about love and in some weird twist of fate aka God being funny - its been all about love. donald miller says that romance can never be what we want it to be. bell hooks talks about a commitment to truth and self is necessary for love. donald miller also says that love is team work.

hmm ..

as far as i know right now love is a choice. it is learned and a conscious decision to act upon the concepts of love provided by God.. it is a conscious decision to remove the mask and risk vulnerability in order to connect more deeply. it is love languages and trying to love your partner and others in the best way that suits both parties. it is give and take. fear and freedom together in balance in heart and mind.

so my beef with love?
the nature of self seems to be set up for failure when put against the complexities of love.

bell hooks talks about the "wounded child" in both men and women that inhibit us from truly loving ourselves and each other. basically, we're all jacked up inside from past hurt, anger, and standards from every aspect of our lives (society, family, etc.) .. forgive my pessimism. so..we must unlearn and relearn positivity and self love and reflection and emotions and .. how is this possible for everyone in the world? and how can we as people seeking other people to love help each other to get to this point of true love? maybe we should plant CCC's all over the world and clone the beautiful people of the cross so we can all learn the beauty of 4 simple words, "how are you doing?" and learn how to really honestly answer that question ..

how do we erase fears of exposing our true selves at all times? how do we accept that we are not here to hurt each other? how do we fall in love with ourselves without threat of intimidation? and the everlasting question (at least in my mind) where does romance exist in all of this?

i wonder how much of my obsession with romance is social construct and how much of it can actually be attained. in talking about lies, bell hooks talks about how we put our best self forward when we first initially meet each other = game. if this is true, which i think it is, i really believe that we should be ourselves from the get so there are no false conceptions esp about romance. [out goes my logic and in comes my obsession] like when a guy spits game and writes letters, makes mix tapes, and when girls dont fart (ha) or giggle instead of speak up or never reveal insecurities.. we automatically think that this will be the constant - but it hardly ever is right? the little notes stop, the girls reveal insecurities and we all begin to ask "what happened?"

i wonder if its time for me to let go of my idea of romance as reality and to settle my feet onto ground that finds perfection in love "in between reasons to dress up". because thats why im growing to know love as. not the perfect movie moments but the moments that are mundane yet seem to be just right ... but i still love romance. haha ..i think im going in circles.

jay was right. the movement of the cross is definitely shifting my energy in weirdo ways.

peace & love & confusion.

[listening to - musiq.teachme ...this is the anthem throw your damn hands up]