he straight called the republicans tired. 1/3 into his speech he say f the teleprompter and spoke from his heart. you can see his frustration and determination to get some change to happen. i should pray for him really..it seems like the republicans are acting like butt hurt kids who just want to say no to see him fall - thus making america fall & ameriKKKa reign. it's so frustrating .. i'm trying to figure out what it is i can do to help.
**
last week we watched Shadows of War by Bindlestiff @ the Presidio. As an art form, it could have been a lot more clean and powerful (can i smell a pcc rant coming on?). But the mere fact that it was at the Presidio ..with many a military white men present .. made it worth it. It was symbolic, ironic, and empowering to finally see history written by those who lost instead of those had viciously won.
someone asked "i mean, how many Filipinos actually died during this .. 'thing'?" 616,000 sucka. and yes, it was your government and your people.
and i felt it. that fire for our history and education swell within me. i felt it warming my heart and reminding me that these moments of discovery need to be protected and honored - in the classroom, over dinner, and in my tumbling mind. it connected me to the parts of my core that i'm sure of. to the parts i know are not evil, and are worth investing in and seeing through.
*
i am reconnecting myself to everything i knew once that had made me whole. God, reading, self reflection, justice, education .. i am overwhelmed by that passion to do. last weekend was comprised of shadows of war, environmental justice in pandacan, and my pastor coming back from the philippines and working with women caught in prostitution. ecm discussions and the not for sale audiobook. i am tired of learning and i want to being doing. i feel like my heart is going to burst for the injustice and sadness in this world. i want to go to every sex bar and save every little girl and boy. i want to go to nepal and eat pizza. i want to breathe change. but i know there is purpose in my solitude. that i can only see my reflection in still waters and not the rushing river.
river rise. and take me home.
p.s. one of the kids i work with asked me,"when you grow up are you gonna be a teacher??" hahha. aww. i thought i was growned uped!!
** thank you to dunn, genesis, and claire for letting me steal your pictures :) **
in reflecting on my time in la..i thought it be best, of course, to compile a list.
lessons learned from la
1) there is no need to stand in lines or pay cover if you are a woman.a new concept really. a new concept to club not wearing my chucks, long sleeve flannel, and cords. haha. thank you claire for all the clubbing wisdom you have imparted on me.
2) when working a 9-5, there can be life on the weekdays. laptops...dextor.. random photo shoots .. "urkel" .. abbreviating freakin everything .. la ceets .. family dinners .. story time .. downtown art walk .. apples to apples ... who knew we could murk the weekdays just as hard as the weekend!?!
3) having girlfriends is possible .. and more beautiful than i could have ever imagined. one of the most, if not THE most important lesson learned in la. i was blessed to be surrounded by beautiful, strong, empowered, inspirational woman every day. from work to after work to bed time stories with fatti. it was -it is refreshing to know that sisterhood is more than what stereotypes continually feeds us. to all my ladies - the divas, the hard workers, the queens, the miss independents - i love you and thank you for the lessons and the journey to come.
4) i am at my most peaceful when i am living independently. when i finally stepped into la, i breathed a sigh of relief. no one to answer to but me and my God. it was hard no doubt, and i was broke no doubt (ha) but i'd rather be broke and snipping coupons than relinquish the simple power of deciding when and where imma do my laudry!!
5) i should start yelping home cooked meals. when jill and jojo came to visit they asked us where to eat - and i was really at a loss. haha. i realized that in my stay in la i hardly ate out - besides the occasional dirty dog, versailles, roscoe's (you get my unhealthy musts of la vibe) - bc we always cooked. 5 stars for marks salads, gen's champorads, dunn's fried rice, jon's tomato concoction, fatti's cutting skills & support, patty's cornbeef, claire's bacon something & kristine's everything. ha. "a family that eats together stays together"
6) flasks are my new best friend. its green and cheap. nuff said.
7) traffic is expected & honking your horn is best used as a vent rather than precautionary measures. everyone is a crazy, but good, driver in la. so getting cut off, not being let in when you signal - it's expected. but although you expected it, and you're having a bad day and you just want to scream after the 3rd hour in traffic - the only thing you CAN do is honk. go ahead. its okay. but just know, no one cares. ha
8) dirty dogs are a better after club food than silog. not gonna lie. 2 for $5 - ready in 5 minutes?? don't tell me thats worst than waiting for an hour at lucky chances! just try it - with guac please!
9) if you are paying more than $10 on your shoes, you are being hustled.the secret and love of la. that's all i have to - and can - say!
10) winter can mean tsinelas, ice cream, the beach and Christmas lights all at the same time. winter is relative. winter in la is my favorite. there are no layers or sipon or sleeping in fetal position with 5 blankets over my head. there is only possibilities of swimming, eating ice cream outside, and ice skating with just a sweatshirt. like dunn said .. my body was made for la!
11) watching tv shows should be left to a couch at home. i was once enamored by watching tv show tapings. until i went to one. 3 hours of the osbournes is one hour too much. watch out for us tho on tv!!
12) beverly hills kids are exactly what you think they are. i taught in beverly hills for a couple of months.. their lack of respect for authority, fancy cars, and louis vitton wallets made me glad their education wasnt free. haha
13) its only pronounced "row-day-oh" (Rodeo Dr.) north of the 10. the most legit and known line between rich, poor, and ridiculous.
14) when people say they are from la ... they usually aren't.i've learned that there is a certain swag that comes from foreal living in la la .. so sorry o.c. & the valley ... that swag doesnt apply to you .. p.s. i think this might be the cause of the "la dont love you" shirt. ha.
15) although i do love me some pea coats, fitted hats, and dope sneaks .. la is the fashion capital of the west coast (and la hipsters like to wear scarves and flannels to simulate coldness). a tribute to my cousin patty and aimee for their impeccable draw to fashion and fashion finds in la. and yet another tribute to la swag (and my friends who do it right).
16) education is my passion & math is pretty dope. most of my post college jobs have been in education and i am grateful for that .. working on curriculum and getting to brainstorm ways in which i can help students learn efficiently, effectively, and funninly (ha) really is something i know i can and will do for the rest of my life. and i gotta say - the math lessons peggy and i came up with are pretty cool :)
17) non prof education kicks corporate education's ass. it's the same passion, the same drama - but a different mentality on execution in schools and in employment. i was blessed by co workers who actually cared about each other and really wanted what was best for the students.
18) edward cullen will reconnect you to your giggles. oh edward cullen. i know, i know it's written by a mormon house wife .. but damn. homegirl knows her romance. for cereal tho? the twilight saga changed my life. hahah if you want to giggle, reminisce about teenage love, or just start to imagine that you're worth that same dream you dreamt in high school - read the damn book. *sigh ... edward cullen, i love thee. 19) movie moments do and will continue to exist in my life. thank you to those who believed in it too :)
20) i can do it. and i will do it again. i up'd and left. i created a life of my own by myself, for myself. i did it. i proved to myself that i could do without my parents, with my own will and hard work, with my own prayers and surrender... and although it was cut short, that pure knowledge sits at the back of my throat like a new flame. a fire that is being born within me to keep doing it .. to keep dreaming and to really make those dreams happen.
thank you L dot A dot for sharing with me your secrets, beauty, fakeness, and g status class...
"Where you never have to wear your triple goose on Christmas You can miss us with the blizzards and the winters The hurricanes unless it's in some glasses with some actresses Perfect frame, silicone or real it don't matter if she paid for it Every single trend you can probably thank L.A. for it Bandanas, facelifts, quick trips to Vegas White t-shirt, Chuck Taylors or them K-Swiss Poplockin, Crip walkin, chronic blunts, G-Funk A place that everybody hate, but you gotta see once" -murs
**special thank you to chris for recovering my movie moment video .. you win!! :)
i am a high believer in the power of dreams. i dream often and i guess it's quite odd that i am fully aware and conscious in my dreams. i am able to recognize a dream, put things in my dreams or take things away, even reference reality in the midst of my dream. i dont know exactly what that means, but i have had a habit of writing down my dreams and looking back on them to see if they held any truth.
so, this is kinda weird but whatever .. haha
i had this dream where i was in the passenger side of a car. and i looked down on my legs and there were like plants growing on my leg! dub tee eff?!? ... and i tried to take out the flowers but it wasn't helping. so i finally took a knife or scissors or something and cut through the thick shell of plant surrounding my leg (kinda felt like cutting celery or a stalk of something) .. and when i freed myself from the plant cast .. my legs were hella hairy. hahhaa gross i know. and in my dream i remembered that i had just shaved the night before and i was like..eww this is gross. haha .. the end.
it was so weird i decided to look up what plants, legs, and hair meant..and here's what i found:
Legs
To see your legs in your dream, signifies that you have regained confidence to stand up and take control again. It also implies progress and your ability to navigate through life. If your legs are weak, then you may be feeling emotionally vulnerable.
To see someone else's legs in your dream, represents your admiration for that person. You need to adopt some of the ways that this person does things.
To dream that you legs are wounded or crippled, signifies a lack of balance, autonomy, or independence in your life. You may be unable or unwilling to stand up for yourself. Perhaps you are lacking courage and refuse to make a stand.
If you are a woman and dream that your legs are hairy, then it suggests that you domineering or that you dominate in the relationship.
PLANTS: Plants are associated with growth be it good or bad. In a positive sense we encourage people to adopt new ideas and ways of behaving. But in a negative sense we often pick up bad new habits. The growth of such new ways of behaving is linked to plants. In another sense plants can symbolise illness which is growing within us. [KEY WORDS : Self improvement, personal growth, teach, encourage ]
so here goes. my internet based interpretation. considering that i am moving forward and into new things, dreaming about encouragement and ability to progress is suiting. i recently have made a solid decision to make definite choices in my life to change the way i live. cutting off whatever was holding me back from my leg symbolizes my surrender and readiness to really move forward in my emotions, relationships, spirituality, and discipline. yea. sounds about right. hahaha
***
more lists.
february - visit la fam :) march - rest and save april - eat. pray. love. cruise may - vegas & cheese coast/canada june & july - (hopefully and prayerfully) visions summer adventure august - start school
**
day by day i am moving to a new me. i praise God for His faithfulness and serenity. 2009 you are going to be THA bOmB.
i woke up and it was thursday. THURSDAY. just a little more than a week and i'm off again. packing again. everyday is beautiful tho and i have been more thankful and joyful than i've ever been .. in Christ there is joy..peace.
i am excited for this year..excited for possible trips & the inevitable growing pains. i'm adding to my goals for this year :: to travel, volunteer, and learn something this summer outside of california.
i'm praying and asking God what's best for me ..and if any of these options are even viable.. hmm.
** for freedom. i crossed boundaries and seas. i've agreed to sacrifice being my lead. for freedom i have jumped out and onto the ambiguity of tomorrow. i have grown love onto my veins and racing hearts onto my planning. i am where i need to be. on my way to where i should go. and locked into the simplicity of surrender.
*
people. soulmates.
for only but a moment or a lifetime? genesis and i were talking last night about people. if we believe in soulmates. i do. but not necessarily for an eternity. like genesis, i believe that people come into our lives everyday and have a purpose. maybe that purpose will last until you grow old together, maybe that purpose will end after you both have learned whatever it is God intended you to learn.
as the looming date of 1/09 and 1/18 comes, i can't help but think about the heartprints of my life. those who i have shared moments with..those who have left...those who i have let go of (or need to let go of) .. i guess i believe in soulmates. i guess it all boils down to being able to determine how long them folks are supposed to be around huh?
ah. the lessons of life.
it's time for something different...it's finally time for change!
